Black Bean and Olive Balls with a Dash of Basil

I have a balls story.

Not the delicious, black bean and olive ball sort of story that you may expect from a food blog, but more the sort of balls-that-boys-have story. And just so we're not too distracted with olive ball pictues while I'm recanting boy balls stories, here are some black bean and olive patties, too, that are equally delicious as their ball counterparts.

Angie's Balls Story
On occasion, I work in acute care as a physical therapist.  This past weekend, one of my patients, who was quite sick, managed to get out of bed, walk to the door, and sit back in the bedside chair.  Yay for him... so many health benefits.  At the end of our treatment session, however, he calmly says to me "Can you grab my testicles?"

Excuse me?

"Can you grab my testicles?"

Now, just so we're clear here, it isn't uncommon to receive all sorts of inappropriate comments in the acute care setting.  People are unwell, delirious, jacked up on medication. It is common, and all is forgiven.  It is never (well, hardly ever) personal.

This man and I, however, were in no dilemma infused inappropriate land... his request was real.  As I lifted up his gown, to my (and his) horror, his "boys" were being smooshed.  He was fully sitting on them.  He was exhausted, and unable to stand again for me. Sigh.

So what did I do?  What would you have done?

I did the only humane thing possible.  My brow was sweating a little... heart rate slightly elevated...

Attempt one: Little swipe at the balls, to no avail.

Attempt two: I lifted up his leg, attempted a little swipe at the balls to no avail.

Attempt three (always a charm): While lifting his leg asked him to "grab your testicles," which to your relief, my relief and most especially the patient's relief, were successful retrieved...all intact too, I might add.

That's my ball story.  And quite possible the best patient quote of my 9 year physical therapy career yet.

And here are some really delicious non-meat (non hairy) balls. Truly, the olives in these bad boys make them... it is a total winner... you may just be "grabbing" more than one ;)

Black Bean and Olive Balls with a Dash of Basil

From the recipe book "Peas and Thank you"

Ingredients:

15 oz can of black beans, drained
1 cup of old-fashioned (I used steel cut) oats
1 minced garlic clove
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons soy sauce
.4 ozs (10 grams) or about 1/2 cup of fresh basil
1.8 ozs (50 grams) or about 1/2 cup of kalamata olives
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard

Directions:

1) Preheat oven to 375 degrees F

2) Chuck everything into a food processor, until blended.  My batter looked a little sloppy and I was concerned that there was no way they were going to firm up in the oven - but did they ever!

3) Form black bean balls/patties and place on a baking tray that has been greased.  Cook for 20 minutes, flipping once.